Death; loss in the extreme of the word is tough, never in fact does it change. It will always be tough, no matter how long it's been or how much different your life is from the moment you experienced that loss. Nothing changes, although everything changes! Your life changes, you move on, you grow, you experience new things; but that loss is always with you, no matter where you go, it's apart of you. Death and loss are never something you can run from or hide from, an experience is never something you can pretend never happened.
But there comes a time in the experience where you don't cry all the time, or you aren't completely numb, or you don't feel depressed and saddened. That being because time heals things, you will never get over it completely or forget it but it will get easier. Never will it stop being tough, but easier it will be. Lately, my best friend is the only thing I tend to think about when my mind wanders. In a mere 3 weeks it will be the 5 year anniversary of the loss of my best friend. After 5 years it's still tough, it still brings tears to my eyes to think about the things we did, should have done and would have done as best friends. She was the type of person you just needed to know, I could never explain to anyone fully why she meant so much or why she was such an amazingly adoring person. She had the type of personality that everyone fell in love with, she became everyone's friend, she could make anyone smile and make any situation better. She cared for her friends more then most people would their own family, she showed the most respect to anyone she met, she was just in all words perfect. She found out I had experienced a loss and did not tell her, she cried, she cried for me, and for the pain she knew I was experiencing. That's how much she cared.
She had done so much for me in the 6 years I knew her, more then anyone I've met before or after her presence in my life. She set up the boundaries of what I want in a friend, she would go to hell and back for me, for anyone! That is what I want in a best friend. I've changed so much in the past 5 years, as has my life. For the better though, as much as losing her was the worst thing that could have happened, having her in my life was the best. I grew immensely in many ways, my personality, my life choices, my dreams, my wishes, my strength, courage, willpower, everything. I have her to accredit, because she was a huge inspiration in my life and in her loss. I finally ventured into college, scared to my wits end, but knowing I had strength and courage behind me I trudged through those doors with my head held high. I would never say my life is perfect, has been far from it since my loss. I have experienced a range of emotions and experiences, some good, some not so good. But all worth it in the end.
I often feel that I would do anything to have her back in my life, knowing full well that's not possible. Have I overcome the experience, yes; will I ever stop missing her, no! I will never stop wanting her in my life, our friendship was perfect, she was one of the most important people in my life. I hope I can continue to grow and strengthen as an individual. I hope one day my experiences can change someone's life just as much as she was able to change mine.
"Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don't forget the power in the struggle."
Here's to the friends we have, the friends we lost, and the friends we've yet to make; to the memories we've made, the memories we keep, and the memories we continue to make. Make the best of your choices, and make the best of your friends. Love and respect <3